CHS Offers New AP Puppetry Test

B.T. Dubbs

For two weeks in May, students suffer through the most stressful time of the year: AP tests. Countless hours of studying culminate in a three hour test covering all aspects of a certain subject. Most tests fall into the core curriculum categories such as math, science, language and history, but CHS plans to offer the Advanced Placement Puppetry test this year as well.

“We, at the guidance office, thought the AP Puppetry test would be a great opportunity for students,” Guidance Technician Mary DeLuca said. “Puppetry is an integral part of student life at CHS, and it would be an outright shame for us to not offer this test.”

Despite CHS not offering any actual puppetry classes, some students are choosing to take the test anyway. These honorable students feel confident in their abilities as puppeteers in spite of not having any formal training.

“Ever since I was three, I have loved puppets. They don’t judge you,” Senior Chase Totoris said. “My personal hero is Jim Henson. He’s given so much back to the puppet community. I’m more of a self-taught puppet master, but I hope my skills will pull through on the AP test.”

Above: Student practices for her AP
Puppetry exam using a home-made sock puppet.

On Jan. 3, College Board released exam content to the public. The test begins with a 90 minute multiple choice portion covering all from the history and science of puppetry to the language and rhetoric of ventriloquism, and everything in between. This part consists of 63 questions. Beginning this year for all AP tests, there is no penalty for incorrect answers.

After the multiple choice, testers begin a 45 minute writing section, where they are asked to analyze the impact of a certain puppet on the world. Sample analysis provided by the College Board is as follows:

“The existential undertone conveyed in Kermit’s obsidian, arching pupils overshadows his otherwise superfluous disposition. Similarly, Kermit’s strained singing voice in ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’ unearths the plight of the environmentally conscience individual and his misanthropic perception of mankind.”

The analysis will be graded on a scale from one to nine.

The final portion of the test includes a 45 minute puppet performance by each tester in front of a panel of seven AP-certified proctors. The proctors assess

UPDATE: Gnomes find fan pretentious

Baba Ganoush

The gnomes on the opposite side of the classroom have been staring glaringly at the fan. They're just jealous they're not as hot.

Photojournalism: Fan strikes a pose in the 3000 building

Baba Ganoush

This fan was just so excited to be in Mrs. Livingstone's room, it had to strike a pose. Look how sexy.

Senior Prank 2011

Ninja Jedi

Alright seniors, it’s now time for us to get our shit together. That’s right! I’m talking about having the most kick ass senior prank this high school (or any high school for that matter) has ever seen!
We have to show the administration that we are superior to all other senior classes in creativity for senior pranks! We can’t just go in and take over the teachers parking spots. NO! That’s stupid, and in my opinion, poorly thought out and executed.
This year, we gotta go all out on this sucker. We can’t be known as the senior class who didn’t give a crap about their senior prank. No, we’ve gotta blow other classes out of the water with a simply ingenious plan.
So how about some suggestions? Well, I believe that hamsters only cost like $3. If we can get 50 students to each buy one hamster and then let them go in the 3000 building, I’m sure that would cause much chaos. Or even just have two students that share a class get some sort of small rodent and unleash them in one of their classrooms.
Balloons aren’t too expensive right? What’s stopping us from
inflating 1000 balloons and putting them all inside the 3000 building early in the morning? I’ve always wanted to be a part of a food fight... If we can get 30 Seniors to start chucking food at each other, I’m certain other kids will join in. How about buying a bunch of rubber ducks and throwing them in the school pool? Does Costco sell plastic pink flamingos in bulk? I’m sure a couple hundred
of those on the new football field would have some people scratching their heads.
Spray painting out of order signs on all of the bathrooms, or even releasing 3 chickens on school grounds (respectively labeled 1, 2, and 4) will freak a lot of people out. How about getting 1000 Dixie paper cups and filling them up half full with water and laying them out in the halls and on the stairs of the 3000 building?
We, as seniors, have the responsibility to pull an awesome prank that people will remember for generations (or a few months). Why should we be limited to just one prank? I propose the idea of multiple senior pranks every day on the last two weeks before senior week. Everyone can split up into groups and determine which prank they wanna do, and then do said prank. Multiple pranks on the same day? Why the hell not?

Student Shows Up Late for Chemistry Class

MidKnight Train Admin

     Mrs. Stitts thought it was just another day of AP Chemistry. Unfortunately for Senior Nathaniel Herman, the chemistry with his teacher wasn’t there.

    On Apr. 20, Herman arrived at precisely 9:56 am, an entire 16 minutes late for class. Upon entering the classroom, he found his desk to be occupied by an Australian exchange student.

    “I wasn’t expecting someone to be sitting in my desk,” Herman said. “I was even more surprised when he opened his bloody mouth and it was an Aussie.”

    Before Herman could kick the bloody Aussie out of his seat, Stitts got involved.

    “You’re late,” Stitts said.

    Herman uttered something to do with a dingo baby to the Australian student before addressing Stitts about the dilemma.

    “Do I need a pass from the office?” Herman said.

    “Obvi,” Stitts said. “Otherwise, I have to mark you absent.”

    Herman skedaddled out of Room 2013 and into the Main Office. While walking through the front doors, he accidentally stumbled on the god-awful carpet. It was no big deal though.

    “He looked pretty embarrassed after tripping,” Attendance Lady Ms. Ogan said. “He tried to make it look like he was jogging or some shit, but then he figured no one saw it. I saw it. Oh, I saw it.”

    Herman received a tardy.