Gopher Sightings

Ninja Jedi

 
Last week, for the first time in an unknown period of time, a gopher peeked his little head out of the ground around the 200 buildings. This gopher sighting was witnessed by no other than senior Joseph Clark.

“I was so excited to see a groundhog,” Clark says, reminiscing of his encounter with the deadly creature. “Upon closer examination, I realized this was no groundhog at all! It was a gopher!”
Gopher’s have been tricking people for centuries by luring people close to them, and then attacking them when they’re overwhelmed with the creatures cuteness. It is advised that if one SEES a gopher (or gopher they think is a groundhog), you run away screaming at the top of your lungs for assistance. Fortunately, this is the exact action that Clark took when pitted against his adversary.
“Luckily Shinne’s class was the closest classroom to my debacle,” Clark said. “Shinne then preceded to walk out of his room in a superhero like fashion and
started speaking to the devious bastard.
Witnesses were amazed when Mr. Shinnefield (Shinne) began to speak to the gopher.
“He spoke to the gopher as he would a normal student,” senior Hannah Sebahar recalls. “He spoke very slowly and paused every five seconds... It sure was a sight to see.”
Legend has it that Mr. Shinnefield has “wizard-like” powers to make any creature obey his every command. These powers have remained a secret for many years, but it appears that Shinne put the greater good above his secret and showed the school his power on that fateful day.
“I always thought it was a myth,” senior Korri Falk said. “But to see that gopher simply turn around and go back in his gopher hole was no coincidence!”
The MidKnight Train attempted to get the full story of what happened that day, but all Mr. Shinnefield had to say was the following:
“Let’s think about this....... this phenomeno-..... no... this.... EVENT. Could I really.... Do you really think I… have super powers?” 

Mr. Shinnefield then proceeded to address the Internet and proved superheros are only a work of fiction. Because everyone knows that the Internet never lies, The MidKnight Train was forced to back down. Who’s not to say that Mr. Shinnefield really does have super powers and is just afraid to show it to the world? The world may never know Mr. Shinnefield’s secret, but one thing is for certain, contact a school official if you encounter any type of rodent.
Rabies is a serious deal. According to Michael Scott, prior general manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company: Scranton Branch, “[Rabies] is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming, barking killer. Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.”